What A Woman

While I've always prided myself on being a woman of many talents I fervently fail at the prospect of fulfilling any of those so-called 'talents' that allegedly come with being a woman.  My Stuart Weitzman stilettos couldn't navigate their way to where the dishes are washed in my apartment (somebody mentioned a "sink" one time before).  I have proof that I used my oven to store sweaters long before SJP ever conceived of the concept - yes, my darling Dolce cashmere, I still think of you fondly.  And it's fair to say that any and all of my past beaus have had a notably superior ability to negotiate their way around a kitchen than I ever have or care to - well, I guess I have to give them something.  Indeed, I always remember one of my favorite male roommates of times gone by telling me that he hoped I had talents in the bedroom as I was deemed 'bloody useless in every other room of the house'.  Touche.

The times they are a-changing.  It would seem that these days us gals are more likely to utter those fateful words to a question such as 'do you drink wine on weeknights' than in any other social 'norm' of a situation.  I do.  Having  long since recognized that adding 2.5 children to your resume is not necessarily a life-long goal (except for you JK!), for the last couple of decades we've been replacing bread-making with bread-winning; going Dutch with 'I've got it'; and patch-work quilts with politics.  

Yet despite these aforementioned activities of the bra-burning variety, modern technology has somehow managed to seduce my inner domestic goddess. Having recently been tantalized by a Martha Stewart Craft iPad app that a colleague introduced me to (don't laugh, this is the new love of my life) it would seem that said Mrs. Stewart has suddenly become my newest Jiminy Cricket.  I dare say I've created a monster.  Within days of discovering this I found myself making my own organic ketchup (I speak no word of a lie), signing up for jewelry making classes and begging my friends to join me at the Renegade Craft Fair this weekend.  It seems I've gone from femme fatale to Suzy Homemaker in a matter of mere minutes.  The thoughts of whiling away my Saturday afternoon at an indie craft fair gives me the sense of satisfaction I once believed could only ever be achieved with the big O - overdraft protection plan.

As with most things in my life, when I commit to something I do it 110 percent.  So I am embracing this new found domesticity with the same passion and enthusiasm that has most bored housewives greedily thumbing through Fifty Shades of Grey - only a little more vanilla......;)  And, hey, if Anastasia Steele can learn some new tricks I guess so can I.......

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Summer Lovin

Aaaaaah summer is nigh and the air is feeling sweet.  With the Fourth of July under our belts, the most sought after season is most definitely upon us.  And of course those summer rays have the inevitably sumptuous feelings of summer lovin’ following closely in their wake.  You know the type that I’m talking about…..the type where everybody is out and about and just looking for a good time…..where you get to fall in love multiple times a day.  There is truly nothing that beats it….

Nonetheless, with every silver lining some rain must fall.  When the temperatures keep heating up, a little more skin is ultimately on show and so ensues the battle of the bulge versus the bikini.  If you’re like me and your weight fluctuates as often as Kim Kardashian’s marital status then the summer months are something you both look forward to and loathe in equal measures.  I love nothing more than the thoughts of frolicking on a beach in Santa Monica.  I yearn year-long to drink out of coconuts in Costa Rica.  Some might even say that my perfect pastime is reveling in the thoughts of beach-trotting along the Californian coast.  Yet with every sandy dream that saunters through my mind comes that inevitable knot of anxiety in my un-abbed stomach that betrays my true feelings of trepidation.  Ultimately, beaches = bikinis.

The bikini celebrated its 66-th birthday this week and with that came some revelations that were not completely unsurprising to me.  Low and behold, the bikini was indeed created by a man.  Shocker.  Furthermore, his designs were defined by the ability of their flimsy fabrics to be pulled, with ease, through a wedding ring.   Interesting choice.  Indeed, while the bikini is one of the more fun fashion choices it is undoubtedly one of the more feared.  Let’s face it, our LBD can hide a multitude, our itsy bitsy polka dot bikini…..not so much.  So what’s a girl to do when she’s got curves in all the right places but her credit cards are overbaked??

There are a multitude of online stores offering swimwear available at discount prices but, as in life, it’s not always easy to know who to trust.  One of my more favored is www.everythingbutwater.com .  It offers some of my favorite designer labels at rock bottom prices.  Every bikini-clad starlet you’ve ever seen wandering across the pages of People magazine and the like has endorsed these brands.  Another old reliable is www.bluefly.com – this was one of my more favored un-heard of treasures, until of course Heidi Klum had the audacity to promote it on her internationally acclaimed show, ProjectRunway.  Seriously, is there anything more irritating than that?  It’s like when you stumble across a secret song that you fall in love with and the next minute it’s been played on every radio station every minute of the day.  Yes, Gotye.  I’m talking about you.

Nonetheless, when all else fails and you need a cheap buy I’ve had many a seasonal success with the ever-favored Target.  But just like a good summer romance don’t expect it to last longer than just that…………..a summer.

www.target.com

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